Sunday, July 3, 2011

You asked….Why am I so pretty?

Prettiness is a matter of perception.  It’s defined as “pleasing to look at”.  So that being said, PRETTY to you may not be the same as PRETTY to me.  I think you are pretty. 
There are a number of factors that influence the admirer.  Personality and attitude being the key players of influence.  A good example of such is the song by the Nothern Pikes, that came out years ago – “She ain’t pretty, she just looks that way”……to the passers-by you may look down right gorgeous, but once they get to know the demon within – the true colors show.
Now, I am not saying that this is you. You are pretty inside and out.  :)
Genes also play a role in determining how one will look, but not always how you would think.  How many have you run across over the years that are UGLY but have beautiful parents…..or better still, the really good looking ones with um, not so pleasant looking parents….HOW does that happen??????? I wonder how many hundreds of thousands were spent over the years trying to figure that out......hmmmmm
Luck of the draw I guess.  Boy are we lucky!!!I guess that’s why we are drawn together….and that brings me to the next question – why can’t I stay away from TK?  It’s a well known fact that people are drawn to those who are pleasing to the eye…’s the Pied Piper effect….so it’s not your fault you can’t stay away from her – it’s a like a gravitational pull. Take a look around – most of the world leaders are fine looking.  People tend to believe in, trust, and value the opinions of the better looking.  Is it RIGHT?  Not really….but it is what it is….that’s what makes us human.
Don’t fight it – you will be happier that way.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Have you checked your girls lately?

Well, as a matter of fact, I have.  I wasn't going to tell the masses about it, but .....since you asked.....
I check all the time, a bit obsessive maybe, but I am a CHECKER.  Now, there are a number of ways that you can get the job done - in the shower, in the bed, on the sofa, in the backyard (not recommended if you don't have a fence - some people's neighbours aren't as cool as mine), just about anywhere really.....BUT - if you are really paying attention to THE GIRLS - you need to take a good look at them...get to know them.  Don't be embarassed or ashamed....these are YOUR boobies...just as unique and beautiful as your eyes or your lips.  Now phase two; how do they feel?  I like using the circular motion - but you can use the grid (up and down), or the clock (not my fave....too much thinking, then I lose track of where I am....just takes the fun out of it all together).  Now if you were to follow all of the RULES, you would check them standing up and laying down, and while you are looking at them......NOT ME....I'm a rule breaker from way back.  I check all the time, so I break it up a least once on month in the shower, and once while laying down.....and again while Mother Nature makes her visit......mostly because I have nothing better to do *wink* *wink*.
As mentioned in an earlier blog, I embrace wholeheartedly the importance of maintaining breast health.  It's no different than the effort you put into your teeth.....proper maintainence will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.  AND, if you need even more reason to look after your TAA TAAs....reward yourself with a new bra everytime you get the job done.......YOU deserve it.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Have you lost weight?

Man, that is a LOADED question.  Loaded in the sense....that dependant upon my mood - the response can be loaded with all kinds are sarcasm and nastiness.  As we all know, I am involved in a "Biggest Loser" type contest - where the goal is to lose weight.  So to answer the question directly - YES I have lost weight - not as much as I could have or should have, but a loss nonetheless.  Now....for the rant...
"have you lost weight?" is a dangerous question - no matter if you are asking a man or woman.  To ask the question implies that the QUESTIONER feels that the QUESTIONEE has weight to lose.  Most people have weight to lose.  And they likely KNOW that they have weight to lose - but it's their dirty little secret - deep down they are are hoping that no one notices the few extra pounds, that no one notices the little muffin tops peeking out over their jeans, and then they are EXPOSED - "have you lost weight?".  *gasp* - the dirty little secret is not that secret is it???? 
Now, for the QUESTIONEE - there's no malice intended.  Asking the question is just an ice breaker - a compliment really.  What they are intending to say is - " are looking good - trim and svelte - keep up the good work!"  But asking if you have lost weight is easier - puts the onus on the QUESTIONEE to divulge information and saves the QUESTIONER from having to dish out a true compliment.  An issue that will be exposed in a later Blog - Our generation's complete inability to compliment and share positive energy with one another.
So - in the end - be careful.  Weight is a VERY sensitive issue for a lot of people - regardless of their perceived level of fitness and confidence.  Try some general compliments - "wow, you are looking great" - is perfect.....your friend will get the message that you noticed an improvement, he/she will feel a little better, you will have passed your message along - Win win!  BUT - if this doesn't work for you...try this "thought you were on a diet? you're still pretty chunky..."  Let me know how you make out..... ;)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Have you ever been to one of "those" parties?

LMAO! Really?  I played coy at first....maybe she didn't know.  It is that time of year that people start hosting their "home" parties.  There's something for everyone out there - cleaning products, candles, home decor, smelly things, pretty things.....and THOSE things.  She was truely disgusted at the thought/idea of someone coming into her friends home with "EEEEKKKK" SEX toys!  She was appalled that her friend could do such a thing.  I am chomping at the bit to confess.....but I can't.....not yet.  She rants on and on about how she "would never be caught" at such a party - and then she says - really Tara, could you go to one of THOSE parties.....
I then EXPLODED!  I was grinning from ear to ear, giggling like a child when I said - I used to be a comsultant for THOSE parties.  And quite frankly, I LOVED it!  And part of me would like to get back into it.
She almost died.  I know her heart stopped a little... "open mouth - insert foot" LOL!!!!!  She stuttered and stammered, not knowing what to say.  I spoke.  I explained the TRUTH about THOSE parties.  The "toys" are part of the program - but they are not the main event.  The WOMAN is the main event.  Most come in to these parties out of curiosity.....or coersion from their buddies....
But once they get there and see the fellowship, the beauty products, the candles, the lingerie, and the toys.  They talk to others who also have the temptation to ALLOW themselves to be as sexy, beautiful, alluring, desirable, and satisfied......they FEEL....some of them FEEL for the first time in years if ever.....that they CAN be EVERYTHING they want to be.  That they can be a MOM, and be a Lover.  They learn that the toys and products aren't being sold to replace their lovers - but to enhance their relationships - buy improving communication and confidence.
THOSE parties may not be for everyone - but they certainly deserve an open mind.  And for the record - she will be attending the party - and I quote "REALLY? I had no idea!".  I'm sure she will have a blast!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

How do you say "no" when you don't know how to say "no"?

Well, spring is upon us - and with spring comes the impending wedding season.  I know it's not really a "season" per se, but it seems at this time of year the plotting and planning of nuptuals is epidemic. That being said it is also the time of year that all of the "good friends" out there must plan their budgets and vacation schedules to accomodate the love birds.  Seems quiite simple doesn't it?  But it's not.  As much as it is an honor to be chosen to be a member of the Bridal party - it is a huge committment - emotionally, financially, and physically.  It's not just about "the big day" - there are a number of lead up events - showers, planning sessions, stag parties, decorations, attire, speeches, meeting the extended goes on and on.....the Bride and the Groom can become very needy and controlling creatures as "the last day of their lives as they know it" quickly approaches.
SO - this brings us to the question at do you decline the request to be part of the party?  It's tough to say "no"; but in fairness to the Couple - you must be honest with them.  It's a huge committment.  IF you can't afford it, IF can't make time necessary to be an effective member of the party, IF you have "issues" in your own life that are being dealt with, or IF you are simply not comfortably being part of the "head table" - you must tell the truth.  It's going to suck - BAD.  Your buddy will be miffed, and will offer you several solutions - but you must stick to your guns if you DO NOT want the job.  If the friendship is a true one - you will be forgiven.  Just make sure you get them a GREAT gift!
Now, if the above reasons don't cover your issue - you will have to do some fancy dancing.  If you don't like one of the marrying parties, or if you don't agree with the union - you may have to tell a white lie to get out of it.  Telling the WHOLE truth is a whole new kettle of fish.
A Bride or Groom will be more understanding than you would expect.  They will be a little hurt; but in the end - they know how much time and effort is going necessary - and they will want the best help that they can get.  You don't have to be part of the PARTY to be a great friend - and there are plenty of other ways that you can still be part of their special day.
Hope this helps.....thanks for your questions! :)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Did you hear about Charlie Sheen?

Good gawd, who hasn't?  It's all over the news, it's all over the internet, it's gracing the front of every magazine at the grocery store, and it's the talk of the town.  Seriously - who actually gives F^#K?  The guy is a drug addict, alcoholic, womanizer, who is terrorizing his town with his selfish and reckless behaviour.
Take a look around your town - no matter where you live.....take a good look.  Who is the most notorious drunk?  Who is the wildest dope-head?  Who is the greatest "player"?  Every town has one - sometimes even more than one (just like Tinseltown)...are you going to put this one up on a pedestal?  Maybe start a Facebook site to share your concerns and undying love for him?  Are you going to start a prayer chain for him?  Not to freaking likely. 
So what the hell is all the hype about Charlie Damn Sheen????  The guy is rich, famous, and used to be good looking.  He has the world by the proverbial balls and he just can't get his shit together.  Who's fault is that????  It's HIS fault.  Maybe the media (and all of you Sheenaholics) could turn your backs on him and show him a little tough-love.  In my opinion all this BS in the media is a publicity stunt - and why not?  It works for Ms Lohan doesn't it?  That girl hasn't had a job in years, but is making money off of all the jail photo shoots!
No wonder our continent is all screwed up - people actually think that Charlie Sheen is IMPORTANT news....ugh....give me a break!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

What makes a good friend?

Good friends are hard to come by.  They happen a few times in a life time - but they are not a dime a dozen.  You know when you have one.  They are the friend that makes you feel good.  They are the one you look forward to visiting you early in the morning before your brush your teeth.  They are the ones that you call when you just want to rant and rave and spill your guts - not to get an answer, not for an opinion - just to sit there on the other end of the phone and hear ya say all the bullshit that is clogging you little mind.  A good friend is valuable.  BUT sadly - so few see the true value of a GOOD friend.  We, as humans - an inferior being of course - tend to take things for granted.  We generally don't appreciate anything.  We have grown accustomed to the "throw away" way of being.  This is an atrocity. We should value those who are important to us. 
For example - your precious cell coddle that damn thing.  You buy special holster for it.  You have a jiggie set up in your car to hold it while you drive.  You have a compartment in your purse for it. 
Can you imagine how great your life would be if you put as much care into your friendships as you do for that foolish communication device????  Try it for a while.  Seriously - don't brush this one off.  Take a moment and think about that person/people who have affected your life.  Could you live without them - yeah probably - BUT how much better would your life be, and how greatly would your life worth improve if you took the time to care for relationships as much as you care for the crap you pay for?
A good friend - a TRUE friend will be there - always and forever.  It's that person you see today that you haven't seen in 10 years but you pick up right where you left off - as if the last 10 years didn't even happen.  A good friend is there for you - even though you were a tool and said shit you shouldn't have - but for some reason loves you as you are.  These are the ones for which you must swallow your pride and do the walk of shame and say "hey remember me?"....don't worry - they will!!!!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

That enough snow for ya?

YA THINK???????????? 
We are definitely a weird species.  Flitting around here from season to season.....wishing for it to "hurry up and get here" only to turn right around wishing for "this no good for nothing and useless season" to end.  You can't deny it.....we have all done it! 
Just think back to last July - when it was ridiculously hot, so hot that the air conditioner just didn't cut you remember what you were thinking????  Yes, you were thinking- wishing how long until the fall comes along?!  Won't be long until the cooler weather gives us some relief....yup...YOU did it....YOU wished that glorious heat ALL your fault!  It wasn't then that you wished all this darn snow upon us.....but it was the beginning of the end.  With your wish being fulfilled - the heat ended.  The fall arrived - no bugs, beautiful colors, a lovely crisp breeze - perfect really. started wishing again.  Wishing for just a little bit of snow.  Wishing to improve your mood and spirits with a light dusting of snow.  Look at what you started then...just look....look out the window - down the street - look everywhere....YOUR light dusting has turned into a monster.  All of those wishes for "just a little bit more" has turned into THIS.  I bet you don't think it so pretty and "spiritual" now do ya???? 
I just hope you are putting in your wishes for an end to this snowy abyss.  Surely you feel bad for what you have should.  Did no one ever tell you - "be careful of what you wish for"
oh, and by the way....they (who ever THEY are) are forecasting for another 20-25cm tomorrow.  Yeah.  Thanks.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

What would you do if...................?

So, I was on Facebook the other morning....surfing around, minding my own business - sort of.......when the chat-box popped up "what would you do if.......".  I looked a little closer and saw that it was a friend of a friend; someone I don't know that well.  Me being me....saw an opportunity to give my opinion....typed "if what".  She was hesitant to the end - it came out that she got her hair done the other day - color, cut, style - the whole shooting match - cost close to $100. The KICKER? The one who washed her hair had smelly pits - VERY smelly pits.
SERIOUSLY???  How does that happen?  These people are in the beauty business.....there's nothing beautiful about smelly arm pits!! YUCK.
I asked the necessary questions - Were you a walk-in and catch her coming back from the gym?  Did she look dirty in general? Do you know her?  Was there any indication that she may have bathed in the last day or two?
It turns out that it was a registered appointment, with a regular artist....and this has never happened before.  hmmm....tough call.  If it was ME - and I was getting my hair done and my nose was slammed into the offending pit whilst she scrubbed my mop - I would say something. I would likely say a lot. I just can't imagine that I would keep my mouth shut.....but I know that I am NOT like most people. 
So, here you are after the fact asking for advise.....this is what you need to to.....since you accepted the smelly service, and paid for the smelly service, BUT are bothered by this smelly service - you need to address it.  Either direct to the smelly offender - or to the manager of the establishment....otherwise someone else might fall victim to an armpit assault!
Whether you return to her is entirely up to you.  I would go back.  Just for dirt.  I would have to make sure that she knows that I know that she had smelly pits.  I would have to go back - just in case the smelly pits were done on purpose to get rid of me as a client - she's not getting rid of me that easily.....hmpf!
Good luck!  Next question please............

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Would you rather be imprisoned for life or be executed?

Wow! well.....I guess my answer would depend on one thing; where am I going to be imprisoned?  If it's not in Canada - shoot me now.  I don't think I could bear the torture and abuse that reportedly goes on in some prisons around the world.  SO - if I am going to be "locked up" in Canada - I think I would take "life" over execution.  I suspect my first few years in the slammer would be rough - being a corrections officer I will have a hard time making friends - and it's not like they wouldn't know me - like really who doesn't know me?  I will be one helluva an inmate....until I have my "Status" established I will be a nightmare for the guards and inmates alike!  I will likely spend a few months in the hole for the lugging of contraband and for the severe beatings I will be forced to give.....I will have to hold my own.....I ain't gunna be no one's BITCH - that's fo sho.
Once all of that is out of the way....I'd say three years tops.....I will be ready to run the joint!  I will be the richest, most powerful lifer in the Penn.  I will have the young ones lugging dope, smokes and weapons.....this wealth will give me all of the power I need to establish a great life on the "inside". I will be living the life of ROYALTY; or maybe just the life of a big in the cartoons...with a chihuahua jumping around trying to please! Either way - I will RULE!
Now, I know what you are thinking...what about my family?  Of course I would miss my family....the pain of not seeing them would be beyond words...BUT - anyone who knows me would know that I would only go to prison for one thing - and my family would understand and appreciate that my "new life" is a result of my defence and protection of them. It's all about attitude!
I will embrace the challenge before me - and I will excel!  I will live life to the fullest - in the end; it will likely be a good house maintenance, no bills, no career, no traffic jams, meals provided, clothing provided, lots of girl friends, free education, no telemarketers....geeze....when can I go????

Friday, February 18, 2011

What would you do if you were a man for a day?

Well, well, well....that would be like winning the lotto wouldn't it??? I think it would be nice to slow down and take things as they happen - rather than trying to orchestrate the world as we women try to do.

Then I would have to spend some time in the bathroom ..... trying to figure out how to pee. Surely it is a daunting task to aim and fire into the toilet - lord knows we clean up enough around it - must be near impossible. And, while I am in the bathroom, I might as well take a seat and get some quality reading time's been a while.

Then, outside I will go.....I will have to pee my name in the snow - isn't that a right of passage?

After that I will lay back and relax - guilt free for the rest of the day. I will unfasten my pants, I will fart, and I will control the remote.

The question that was submitted was what would I do if I was a man for a WEEK? I altered it to a day as I don't think I could bear to do it for a week. Like really - you can only pee in so many places!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Know any good jokes?

Yup....all kinds. Would  I tell any of them in this forum?  Probably not.  Most, if not all, of my jokes are inappropriate....I suppose that's why they're funny.  I have a tendency to be inappropriate.  Censorship is NOT one of my strong suits.  I seriously struggle with my inner dialogue - there are times that things happen and I KNOW I am supposed to keep my mouth shut, I KNOW that my opinion really doesn't matter, I KNOW that the obvious does not have to be stated.....but I do it anyway.  It's a compulsion.  I can't help myself.  So I say it - it breaks the ice....there's the look of disbelief, then the smile and finally the laugh...ahhhhh  mission accomplished.
But really, in my defence....WHY would someone ask a question if they really don't want an answer?  It's dumb.  I'm standing there with nothing to ask the question albeit rhetorical....but a question nonetheless...jeeze OF COURSE I'm going to answer it.  For example - clothing shopping with my dear friend (you know who you are)....I HATE shopping.  I could care less about the mall.  I know, I'm not a "typical" girl.  But, I go along with my friend - she tells me that she values my opinion.  Hmmm...ok then, this might be an ok trip to the mall.  SHE is a shopper.  SHE looks at every piece of clothing at every store.....she is an endurance shopper - ugh.  Finally, she chooses a shirt.  It looks nice on the rack - but it's big and bulky...I keep my mouth shut - she hasn't said anything yet, so my opinion is not yet warranted.  She comes out of the room - beaming in her new shirt - she twirls around; smiling.  I stand there - silent.  She says "so?"  I'm like..."so".  She says "what do ya think".  WELL>> door's open - I tell her that it's ugly.  It makes her look fat, and is likely the most unflattering shirt I have ever seen. She looks at me in disbelief, pauses, then smiles and laughs.....and says "tell me what you really think TARA". Well frig man....YOU ASKED!!!! She still loves me.  She accepts me for who I am.  AND, she still takes me shopping - as much as the truth hurts - she appreciates it.  Anyone need a shopping partner?

Monday, February 14, 2011

Will you be my Valentine?

Valentine's Day!  This day has different meaning for different people.  Just like all of the "occasions" I suppose....milestone events are monumental for some,  hard for some, others it doesn't really apply to, and for the retailers - it's a gold mine!  The day after Christmas it begins for the Lovers of the world.  Decorations, chocolates, cards, jewellery, toys and name it - anything can be sold/bought in the name of Cupid.
What every happened to the innocent "will you be mine?", an opportunity for lovers or potential lovers to declare their intentions.....for children to pay attention (probably for the first time) that there might be someone out there that has a "crush" on them......
I guess it goes back to what I said in an early blog - anything in moderation.
My dear son was a wreck this morning - last night too.  He was filling out his Valentine's for his classmates - carefully choosing them for each girl.  He was insistent on having "boy" Valentine's- he didn't want any of those girls to think that he "likes" them.  Spider-man all around. So this morning, he was packed and ready for the bus.  I wished him a Happy Valentine's Day - and he put his head down.  "ugh, great, now I have to spend the day running away from all of the girls trying to kiss me.  Why do they have this day anyway?" HE is not a fan of St. Valentine - yet - he's 8.
I'm sure there have been a lot of people in a panic over the impending DAY. Those embarking on a new relationship being forced to say the "L" word before they are ready.  Those who are happily single having to defend their choice to be.  Those who are un-happily single searching for a date - not wanting to be the wallflower.  Those who have a more than one Valentine - well - that's a blog for another day.....
I like Valentine's Day; probably because I love my Valentine.  BUT I think everyday should be Valentine's Day.  Why wait for that one day of the year to treat the one you care for?  Tell them everyday that they are loved and appreciated.  If it IS true love; the simplest gestures will do.....all of the fanfare is for the merchants - they are looking to SCORE - and they really don't care if you do.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Why is today so important?

Twelve years ago today was one of the greatest days in my life.  Twelve years ago today was one of the most difficult days of my life.  Twelve years ago today my life changed so drastically in one moment that I had little to no recollection of life before that moment.  Twelve years ago today my darling daughter entered the world at a whooping 10lbs 3 oz and 24" long.....drug free I might add.  It was at that moment that I truely understood what love is.  That feeling that overwhelms your entire soul when you gaze upon that new life is the most incredible I have EVER had privledge of experiencing.
Now, having a baby is not all sunshine and lollipops!  Au contraire.....babies are not easy.  After a couple of days with this new bundle of joy; reality sets in.....and I mean sleep, poopie diapers, spit up, crying, screaming, sore boobs, sore bird, messy house, too many visitors, oh did I mention no sleep?'s at about day 3 or 4 when the fun starts to wear off and you begin to mourn the loss of your life as you knew it.  Then you feel guilty.  You beat yourself up because you are feeling this way - you think that you are supposed to be loving all of this.  Like really, you see it on TV all the time.  The perfect moms with the perfect babies, the pre-baby body back together in about a week - all happy and "put together".  Meanwhile, you take a peek in the mirror.  Who the hell is that?  What happened to me?  I look at feel like I have been in the trenches for the past 2 weeks!!  Should I not be radiant and beautiful since I have been basking in post-natal bliss? hmmmmm.....yeah RIGHT.
It takes a little while, but you get the hang of things, and it becomes a little easier.  That love connection that is felt when your bundle arrives.....THAT is what gets you through the battle.  THAT is what keeps you going. THAT is what you remember twelve years down the road and your little pre-teen rolls her eyes at you when you tell her "I love you" in front of her friends.....
Today is one of the most important days of my life - it is the anniversary of the day I became a MOM.

Friday, February 11, 2011

What do you want to be when you grow up?

hmmmmm......good question.  At what age does one have to decide?  I have thought about this for years....and years...and years.  Really, it's probably time I narrowed down the options and moved towards a goal.  There are lots of things that I would love to do.....but none of them will produce any amount of money....I have to eat, and keep a roof overhead, and maintain a vehicle (the transit system doesn't travel this far). How about............
FOOD SAMPLER - not the fear factor type, but good stuff; high end cuisine...that would be a great career.  Imagine getting paid to nibble on the chef's special of the day....and of course you would have to sample the corresponding wine...hmmmm.....dreamy
ADVICE COLUMNIST - tell people like it is....who wouldn't want to do that?  But who would pay for it?  Ann Landers and her lovely sister Abby own the field.  Heloise is gaining ground there too.  Even Dr. Gott is starting to become more popular. Uhhmmmm...maybe....
COMEDIAN - I would love to do that....but really female comics in general suck.  All they do is gripe about their weight and hate men. So what else do you talk about?  The vagina monologue chick has that area all used up....hmmm....I could go on tour for a year or two just yapping about jail tales and the shenanigans within.  I like it.....definitely a list topper.....
Oh, oh oh..... I have it figured out.  I will run a BROTHEL.  I can incorporate it all - my current career with all of the organization and structure. I will entertain the "guests" with food and comic relief while they wait for their appointment - heck I could even charge extra for the service - I will make a mint!   And then, I could counsel and advise after the fact.  This is perfect! I will go to City Hall tomorrow; surely they will approve this fabulous business venture! Wish me luck!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

OMG you have big feet!

Seriously?  What compels people to say stuff like that?  I felt like saying OMG you are ugly; but I’m sure he already knew that and didn’t need me to point out the obvious – like really, I’m sure he has a mirror and has gazed upon it for hours and hours over the course of his lifetime wonder why he looks the way he looks.  But part of me really, really, really wanted to say it…..just once – to let him feel that twinge of hurt, that sinking feeling, that knowledge that someone has pointed out a flaw.  I didn’t.  Man, sometimes I wish I wasn’t raised right.  Hmmmmmmmm………
So, yes I have big feet in comparison to some.  I don’t have giant feet.  My feet fit me.  I would look absolutely ridiculous with little feet – not to mention I would likely fall over.  I’m almost six feet tall – a good foundation is necessary to balance such a grand structure.  Now….if I had big man size 14 feet THEN I would accept your line – OMG you have big feet – but seeing that I have proportionately sized feet I find your comment to be rude, and uncalled for.
Guess what???  I have big shoulders too.  They too are proportionate to my frame.  BUT, they are big enough to allow such insults to come my way and reflect them back to you with a smile and a chuckle.  If you must insult to make yourself feel better, then fill-yer boots!  
It takes all kinds…………

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

What the heck is Zumba?

I met Zumba a couple of weeks ago....on my quest for a better me.  I often thought about going to a Zumba class, but truly didn't know what the heck it was and made every excuse in the book not to go.  When I finally made the decision to self improve - I got my lazy arse to the local school for class.  I walked in, silently intimidated by the thought of what was in store.  Looking around, I saw lots of women - 37 to be precise - all different ages, shapes and sizes.....I started to relax.  I filled out a bunch of forms, declared my great health and paid the five bucks.  We all lined up - just like we did for Jane Fonda type aerobics in the 80's.  The music's so darn catchy that your body moves spontaneously - I swear.  Our teacher Sam, has got some rhythm.....hopefully she has a lot of faith in us....we need all the help we can get (well, I do anyway).  The first day was FUN.  I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I tripped over my feet, ran in,to my neighbours, lost my breath completely, sweated like a hog....and planned my next visit before I left.  I was hooked!!!
Two days later I made my next visit to Zumba - Fitness.  It was even more fantastic than the first time.  I knew some of the steps.  I had no idea I could move my mid-section that way, nor did I know that maybe, just maybe I might have a little rhythm.  So not only am I dropping inches and pounds I am gaining confidence.  I am falling in love!!! I thought I would be self-conscious - but there's no time to worry about that.  If you waste your time gawking at others you will never be able to keep up - so guaranteed - no one is watching you!
I went back a few more times - I am now a regular.  I love the dancing moves, the cardio work-out, the camaraderie, and the laughs.  So what is Zumba?  It's a hoot - it's what I need to fulfill a lot of my basic needs - fitness, fun, and friends.  Give it a go! Feel fit, relaxed and sexy!  You might even learn a few new dance moves to try out on your next hot date!

How do you talk to someone that you love?

Well JB, this could be a very simple question or it could be a VERY complex question.  Simply put - just speak.  But I am quite sure this isn't the question at hand.  So, it depends then on the type of love you are talking about.  If you are speaking of a child - be gentle and kind, firm but fair. Of a parent - be honest, kind and respectful.  Of a lover - be patient, gentle, kind, respectful.  In speaking with all of those that we love we have to take care and be aware of our tones - these loves are to last for a life time - treat them like the treasure that that are.
Now, if you are talking about forbidden love.....well then that it just that....forbidden.  You should stay away from that stuff altogether. As tempting as it may be - it's nothing but trouble.  If you are talking about lost loves - well - that's a tough one to.  If you attempt to talk to much you might find yourself be labelled as a stalker.  Maybe just one attempt and accept the cards were they fall.  A love that has passed on.....well - that's really not my forte - but they do sell Ouija boards at Wally-world.
I guess in the end it comes down to the question - What is love?  And THAT I will NOT answer.  Can you imagine the fame, fortune and fanfare that I would have to deal with if I answered that.  I have the answers - just not ready to be rich and famous.  The next thing you know - Oprah will be knocking on my door offering me my own show.  Seriously....I don't want to move to Chicago.  I don't want to move anywhere.  AND, once I tell everyone all there is to know about love....they will figure out that I understand WOMEN!!!!  Can you just imagine where THAT will take me??????  Jeeze, they will be lined up for miles trying to get that information out of me.  People have been trying to to figure out these answers for centuries......maybe some other time.....
Follow you heart......and be honest with yourself......ciao!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

How much "Me time" do Mom's need?

It depends on the mom I suppose.  Mothers grace the earth in all shapes and sizes with various levels of "need".  Women today, in general, live a more indulgent life than the women of past generations.  The societal acceptance of the self-serving, self-indulgent way of life has paved the way for an epidemic of "me time".  Our mothers - back in the day were few of them worked outside of the home while the kids were being reared - had their "me time" while the kids were in school, or outside playing, or biking up the road to the ball game......They were different times.  You didn't have to have your kid strapped to your leg 24hrs a day.  Kids were given more freedom to roam, freedom to play, freedom to get dirty and rip their clothes. Women resolved to the fact that "their time" would come when the children left the nest. 
Today, there are different stresses in the child rearing department - there seems to be more predators, more abductors, more seems that kids need to be protected more - and as a result; they are underfoot more - in front of the TV, computer, or game systems - although they are occupied their muscles and adrenal glands are BORED.....with THAT we have rebellion, tantrums, and neediness - and in turn - the parental NEED for "me time".  It's a nasty circle that we have created.  This coupled with the crazy TV shows we've become addicted to - the reality shows about the poor little rich people - has taken the whole "keeping up with the Jones' " to a whole new level.  We WANT to have the pristine homes, great hair, manicured nails, perky boobs, and flashy car.  We WANT to entertain, vacation, and shop til we drop.  We WANT our kids to be quiet, well-dressed, smart, athletic and popular.  We WANT it all!!!!
What we NEED is to take a step back and take a look at what is being created.  We NEED to slow the heck down and enjoy each others company.  We NEED to play, to get dirty, and to have some old-fashioned wholesome FUN.  We NEED to accept ourselves for who we are; and stop trying to pretend we are all movie-stars.
Does this mean that we don't NEED or deserve "me time" - goodness no.  We still need to have our me time; but in moderation.  Anything - in moderation.  We have to work harder to LIVE our lives rather than hurrying along THROUGH our lives.  If we did this, we would need fewer "escapes" from reality. 
Thanks for the questions folks....keep them coming :)

Saturday, February 5, 2011

What's that?

What's what?  That stick....the one sticking out of the side of the steering wheel thingie.....
That, my dear, is wonderful piece of machinery that you move up or down - it activates the signal light.  "What's that?".  Well, the signal light....there are at least four of them on a vehicle.  On the left and right side - both in the front and back of a vehicle.  Some newer vehicles even have signal lights on the mirrors of each side.  "How does it work?".  Well, if you push it down; the other drivers and pedestrians will know that you are going to make a left turn, because all of the left side signal lights will blink.  And if you push it up - then all of the lights on the right side will blink.
As I am cut off by some dork who turns left across the lane without signalling - I explain to my children that it is against the law to turn without properly signalling.  I start to turn red as I further explain that there are way to many dim witted people on the road who have been awarded their drivers licences by purchasing Cracker Jacks at the right location.  Further to that, these no good for nothing careless drivers are a menace to society, and that should I ever become a cop I will lock every last one of them up!!!! But I digress, perhaps the driver was not dim witted.  Maybe, just maybe the driver was too busy to signal properly.  Like really, it's hard to drink a coffee, and text, AND signal....SOMETHING has to give.  And really, why signal?  Everyone always turns left off of that street, no one ever goes straight, or turns really, it's a waste of time to signal.  Yes, a waste of time!  MY I am furious!  My face is as red as my hair.  I have to turn the damn air-conditioning on because my boiling blood is heating up the truck.  I should have wouldn't have been my fault...would it? eh, would it?????  hmmmmmmmmmmmm......I have nothing nice to say now.  I was taught that if you had nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all. .......................................

Friday, February 4, 2011

You need a tan....

I look around, there’s no one behind me or beside me.  I say “what?”.  He says “you should get a tan, don’t ya think?”
Is this guy an idiot?  Seriously, does he have eyes?  Is he dim witted? I say “are you seriously talking to me? You really think I need to GET A TAN?”  He looks at me like I'M the dumb one.  SO – I politely inform him of the obvious.  It’s the dead of winter….we live in the northern hemisphere; it’s too damn cold for the sun to hang around for any length of time.  AND you do realize that I am a red head.  Not too many red heads I know can carry off a tan….even the fake ones don’t work for us.  The pigment in our skin (or the lack thereof) forbids such extravagances.  
I did try a tanning bed once; for a month.  My husband won this free trip to Jamaica.  I didn’t want to make the trek south with my skin being as transparent as it is; so I decided to “go tanning”.  WELL, I was a student AKA poor.  I saved all of my drinking ahem I mean grocery money that I could forgo to buy the tanning sessions.  I went faithfully, twice a week for a month….laying NAKED in a well lit coffin…scared to death someone was going to come in…and scared to death that I was going to catch some strange disease from the last naked fool that slept in this box.  Ugh.  What a waste of money for me.  Not even a new freckle, nothing, nodda…..I was the same shade of translucent that I was a month prior.  We didn’t go to Jamaica either…not because I couldn’t get a tan – the free trip was going to cost 5k with all of the hidden fees – not feasible for a couple of students.
So Mr. Jerk who thinks I need a tan…..No I Don’t.  I am fine just the way I am.  And even if I wasn’t fine with the way I am , that’s the way it’s gunna be….so there!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Why would anyone want to be up at this time?

The question of the day from what I would presume to be a night hawk.  I am a morning dove.  I love mornings.  It is, in my humble opinion, the greatest time of day!  Everything is fresh....the COFFEE, the morning dew (or the dusting of snow as is the case today), the ideas, and the deposit in the cat box - yuck.  Maybe that part isn't so great....neither is morning breath...maybe I should breathe on the cat????
So, you get up in the early morning and the rest of the house is still asleep.  It is so relaxing to wake up to a home that has not yet been destroyed by the animals, the children, the hustle and bustle of everyday life.  It is just how you left it....remember last night?????  Cleaning up everyone's messes in a near fit of rage???  Having had to work all day then come home to a completely desecrated home???  Do you remember?????  Ah, I don't - I am basking in the glory of the morning - the nice tidy home, all to my self; aromatic coffee warming my hands and lips. Shhhh....did you hear that?  Me too - the sound of silence.  The lovely sound of silence.  I never understood that for years; but now I get it.  And I love it!!!!
Then it begins...the pitter-patter of feet moving up the hall, then down the stairs.  The sleepy, yet refreshed children make their way down the stairs to be cuddled.  They are still warm from their slumber - the best hugs of the day.  Then they wake up - really wake up.  And so ends morning glory - the day has begun.  The messes are in progress, the coffee is cold, the toaster is burning bread, and the bus has gone by with the children still in the house.  CHAOS.....that is life......isn't it grand?  And that my dear friend is WHY someone would want to be up at this time of day - it's called therapy.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What if?

What if what?
What if I win the lotto?  Lots of great things will happen - I will be rich!  People will line up for miles trying to be my friend.  Charities will be setting up shop in my front yard...which will be under construction...and I won't be home; I will be vacationing somewhere far, far away.  But that won't happen - I don't play the lotto.
What if the world ends in 2012 like everyone is yapping about? Well, what do you say to that?  If the world is ended, then well.....that's IT!  Not much can be done at that point.
What if ..... there are a lot of what ifs....there are the negative "what ifs".  If you spent your time worrying about the "what if" of each and every decision there is to make you would be paralyzed with fear.  It is what it is....and if the "what if" happens then it has happened;  and your path will have to be adjusted.
And there are the positive "what ifs".  The positive ones are the neglected ones.  Here's a "what if" you can try on for size.....What if you lived your life to the fullest? What if you were honest with yourself?  What if you made the best of what you have? What if you made an effort to say or do at least one good thing everyday?
In the matter if you are a positive or a negative just IS - no matter what the "if" is.  And to quote my father "and....what if your aunt had balls?  She would be your uncle!!"

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Do you have the job requirements?

As I am continually in search of the "perfect job" I regularly read the want-ads.  I am quickly approaching middle age and I am yet to decide what I want to be when I grow up.  I don't really want to grow up.
So, I was surfing through the ads the other day and came across yet another call-centre dream job. Whoever writes their ads has some sales talent.  They actually make it sound so inciting.  The always neglect to mention in their ads that they may encounter some arsehole like me who is unfairly rude to telemarketers...I don't really know why but they infuriate me.  That is another blog yet to come.....pauvre telemarketers....
SO....I read the ad.  They were looking for personnel to complete surveys about Canada.  The ONLY job requirement get this....speak english....with NO ACCENT.  Seriously??? No accent??  Have they been to Canada in the past few hundred years???  We are notorious for our dialects!  You can skip across the country from one end to the other and encounter a different "accent" every twenty miles.  Good accent....LMAO!  I remember one time years ago; I was 16.  I was in Montreal on a sporting trip.  I was separated from the pack and LOST.  I was wandering around on the verge of tears when I approached an intersection - there were people all over the place, but no one would make eye contact - no one.  I stood there; alone, scared, and confused.  One made eye contact - I jumped at the chance "hello" I said.  He chuckled "hmmm, Cape Breton or Miramichi?" I almost burst with joy!  "Miramichi, and I'm lost".  He helped my find my way back.  No accent my ass,  I'm proud of my accent.
So, if this company really wants to hire people with no accent, they should approach Rogers.  Rogers now has two robots working for them.  One male, One female.  They don't seem to have accents.

I think I know what the ad really meant.  But they can't really say what they really mean because you know that it's unacceptable.  I wonder how many applications came in?

Sunday, January 30, 2011

How do you know your marriage will last?

No one really knows for is what you make it.  Love each other for who you are, and as you and your spouse evolve continue the tradition of love.  Trust and respect are huge factors as well.  People have made billions of dollars over the years trying to explain women to men, then explain men to women, to teach love and respect....blah, blah, blah.  I'm not going to get up on the soap box and tell you how to hang on to your mate.  Everyone is different....some are more DIFFERENT than others.............
But, if you must have a tangible test of the longevity of a marriage....renovate your kitchen.  Not with hired help.  Not while you are on vacation.  Not with a giant group of friends.  Do it together from start to finish.
In the beginning (just like young love) it's fun, you have plans, it's exciting, you have money to spend.  You dream together and marvel at how wonderful it is to have the opportunity to spend such quality time together.  And really, tearing things apart with crowbars and stuff is damn fun....and what a stress reliever. Phase one will be great.  Then you have the discovery phase.  All the stuff you feared is now exposed.  You didn't plan for new wiring or new plumbing.  The honeymoon is over.  You are both right, and you are both wrong; just not at the same time.  Plans are changing.  Things are starting to go awry.  The whole project takes a lot more time, energy, money and patience than anyone had every expected.  This whole "quality time" crap is just that...crap.  Like really, who needs to spend that much time together??? After a while, you come to accept things for what they are.  Plans change all the time, you have to roll with the punches.  The project begins to mature, and it starts to look like the original plan.  This sets your heart a pitter-patter.  Could this be love?  Is this the way its supposed to be.  Then the bills start arriving.  You are way over budget, way over.  Anger sets in.  Who needed a new damn kitchen anyway?  Now we have a half finished room with a tonne of bills and no end in sight.  You quietly continue on; seething, but smiling on the surface because you are supposed to be happy about the new damn room.
In an attempt to finish the job - the reveal party date is set.  (this would be the marriage counsellor part - do or die).  The push is on, the job gets done.  All the tension is gone.  It was worth it.  We stand back together and marvel at our accomplishment; while in our heads counting how many times we each would have loved to have walked out the door and never returned.
And here today, the day after - we lie on separate sofas - hungover - yet in love with each other and the new baby we created - OUR KITCHEN.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Have you ever lost a tampon?

Yes, of course I have.  I don't know how many times I've gone to the grocery store, bought a box or two....then aunt "flo" arrives and guess what?? no damn tampons.   And, I usually have a couple in my purse that get lost in the mess within or strewn about the store floor when I haul out my wallet.  I have definitely lost some at work...I swear my co-workers eat them.
Then she says "not THAT type of lost, I mean really LOST a tampon".  Say what?  Lost?  You mean "up there" LOST???  Really, if this was me...this tidbit of information would NEVER leave my lips...this would be a take to the grave really FAWK a tampon LOST in the......ugh.
I politely respond "no, can't say that I have.  Are you sure you lost it?"  She assures me that she is certain that it's lost.
So, me being me; I offer some advice.  Did you feel around for it?  She did, no luck.  Did you look for it, with a mirror.  She did, no luck.  Did she use another one?  She did, didn't hurt.  I suggested that there was nothing to worry about.  But she is still worried.  So I said how about a queef?  did you try that?  She looks at me disbelievingly....a queef??? I say yeah, a vaginal fart....blow it out.  I got "the look".
I tell her she should see a medical professional; that I am not willing to take a look for her.  She said she saw the doc last time it happened.  LAST TIME?????????????? wtf????  How does this happen???? OMG
It seems the problem was brand specific.  It turns out tampons are like mac & cheese, ketchup, and toilet paper.....get the brand name; it's not worth it otherwise.

Friday, January 28, 2011

It's not you, it's me.........

Since we are already on the subject of teenage dating.....
I was 'seeing' this guy for a few weeks.   We would go to hockey games, go for drives, hang out at the "hallow" and go sliding.  Typical kid things.  As I mentioned earlier, dating was an "issue" at best in our house.  I could never admit that I was actually dating someone, but I knew I had to hang onto this one for a while.  As it was, I was sure I was the only kid in junior high that hadn't been kissed.  I was bound and determined to get a kiss before moving on to Mount Olympus (aka High school).  Really???  Can you just imagine???  At 15 - this was a world ending issue.
So, it's about to happen. We had plans.  Nice, quiet, romantic, PLANS.  I knew it was going to happen.  I was finally going to get my first kiss.  I went over to his place. (or to the movies as my parents thought) We cuddled up on the sofa to watch a movie.  As we watched the movie, I was starting to panic.  The KISS was inevitable.  He moved toward me.  I stayed where I was.  He moved in closer.  I am panicking....Bad at this point.  He moves in a little's going to happen, we are almost at the point of no return.....I finally put my head up and turn it towards him.....we are moving in even closer when I notice IT.  A booger.  A BOOGER....a big green, round gross booger hanging off of the side of his left nostril.  I jump back; ready to barf...and say "I gotta go".  He is upset.  I am totally unable to tell the truth.  I apologize and tell him that I can't see him anymore.  He wants to know why.  I tell him "it's not you, it's me...." which was partially true. I ran all the way home.

He asked me for years why.....and until today I have never told him the truth....I wonder if he reads my Blog?

I did get my first kiss before high school.....the day before...the last day of summer vacation...whew! That was close.

When can I date?

Never!  It's dangerous.  I was never allowed to date.  Well actually, the rule was; I was never allowed to date exclusively.  Looking back, my parents were pretty smart - they allowed me to date but never long enough to get past first base.  Those sneaky buggers....

One group of boys that I was definitely NOT allowed to date were the "base kids".  Coming from a small town, when someone new comes in they just seems so intriguing.  But no, "those kids are too worldly".  And they probably were, but some of them were really cute.  Like this one in particular who happened to be a year younger than me. (I know, I was naughty).  I asked if I could bike out to the Base to play tennis.  I was allowed! heeheehee.  I biked the 13kms to get to my destination to meet him at the tennis courts as planned.  He was so cute.  I was sweaty.  We started to play our game of tennis while chatting about whatever 14 year old chat about.  It was then realized that just because I am an athlete, it does not make me good at every sport.  Particularly tennis.  I must've hit the ball over the 12foot fence 10 times.  He climmbed up the fence, jumped off the other side, retrieved it, and we continued.  I did it again, the ball was gone.  I laughed and said "I'll get it this time".  Really, how hard can it be to climb a fence?  I can show that cute boy from Ontario that I am just as agile as him.  Up I go.......whew...hard work.  I flip my leg over the top, haul myself up with my arms, then flip the other leg.  I sit my butt down just for a sec to cathc my breath and look feet! I jump.  I hang.  I continue to hang.  I have the worst wedgie ever known to man.  I hang.  My new red Champion shorts are ripping at the seams.....I fall.  I landed on the ground.  Did I mention that it was around 2:00 in the afternoon in one of the busiest areas around?  I stand up.  Wearing only my bra and panties.  The shorts ripped at the crotch, went up over my torso hauling off my t-shirt as it went.  I am MORTIFIED!  I climb back up the fence to retrieve my clothing that is at the top of the fence.  I grab and jump, but the tattered things back on, then look around.  My DATE has disappeared.  The old men drinkg coffee nearby are bustin a gut.  I'm dying of humilation.  I jump on my bike with my new red....skirt...and bike home.  The folks ask "how was tennis"....I say it's not for me.
So my darling daughter...can you date? nothing but trouble.  It causes you to lie, see things about yourself you did not know, and before you know it your clothes will be off.  NO!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My hat is off to you......

So, I went to yoga tonight.  I never went to yoga before.  I remember as a child watching my father on the living room floor doing these wild, circus performer contortions.  I later understood that this was "yoga".  I recall thinking why would someone do that to themselves?  To knowingly and wilfully put yourself into positions that make you look daft, not to mention the risk you are taking - what if you get stuck?????  Really, this was one of the traumatic times of my childhood....oh gawd, the Lion pose....ugh....I had nightmares for years.

So this New Year's I decided that I would dedicate this year to "me".  To take more time to exercise, to spend more time with friends, to get out of the house for something other than groceries.  I have joined a couple of groups and clubs.  But YOGA has been calling my name.  Maybe it's the childhood thing resurfacing, maybe it's the tight, fit yoga bodies we see all over the place and the hope that it just might be attainable.  Who knows why?  But I did it.  I went tonight.  It is much harder than it looks. The instructor was incredible, he knew his stuff, his voice was pleasant and relaxing.  I tried to follow along.  I did this pose, that pose, stretched here and stretched there.  Then we did breathing exercises.  Everyone had their eyes closed, not me....I'm way to nosy for that.  THAT was just gross!!!  The amount of snot flying around the room from all of the yogic breathers was insane.....THAT is why you keep your eyes closed.  I recovered from that....

We then did some sun and moon stuff, I was very far out of my league.  About 4 steps behind the whole time.  But I did feel the burn.  Then we were directed to the floor on our backs.  Laying there, staring at the ceiling, breathing as directed; I totally enjoyed the silence.  Such peace.  I haven't been that relaxed in years. We start our next pose, legs up then legs down legs up then leg down breath legs up breath FART OMG the guy next be me broke wind.  I lost it.  The room of total silence destroyed.  It took me 6 minutes to stop laughing.  I was quiet, but must have been disruptive.
So I finally get my shit together enough to continue.  We are on to shoulder stands and pikes at this point.  The lovely girl next to me, who also happens to be my daughter, gets into a fantastic shoulder stand.  She is holding it well and for a long time.  I am still trying to get my fat ass up in the air when I hear THUD, CRASH Giggle.....she wiped out.  I lost it .... again.
It was at that point that I quietly rolled up my mat and tip toed out of the room.  I am far to immature for yoga.  I will try again.  Alone.  The way that sport is intended to be!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

You want me to do what????????????

"Take everything off down to your pants and put this on, then go to door number 3".  I nod, take the not so gently used johnny shirt, go into a change room with a curtain for a door and strip to my belt.  I hear a voice "did you put deodorant on today?" I'm thinking of course I did you idiot! Its 2 in the afternoon, I am in a uniform, what a dumb question. I meekly yell out "yes, sorry I forgot about that part".  The voice directs me to the adjacent bathroom to sterilize my pits.  Quickly, I cover myself with the johnny shirt and jump over to the bathroom.  Nerves are getting the best of me.  My mouth is dry. I'm sweating profusely.  It's COLD and I've got some nipples going on......the voice interrupts urging me to "hurry along".  I comply.

I walk into room number 3.  This isn't my first time, but it's still no fun. Whew! The technician looks nice.  She has a pretty smile, friendly eyes, nice bad can it be.  I cheerfully say "hi, I'm so glad to be here hahahaha".  She gives me the look.  And says, "take the robe off, I have to put these stickers on your nipples"  I gasp.  She grabs, gently of course, and leads me by the boob to the boob buster thingie. (that allegedly cost millions of dollars....surely something that damn barbaric was bought on a discount!!!) She mashes the boob around to get it just right.  She smiles as she lowers the squisher, and says "you're lucky they are little, it goes faster that way"..So, I guess for the first damn time in my life I am to be thankful that I am flat chested????  She then positions my feet.  I swear to god I am going to fall backward and be removed from my boob because the damn thing is in a vice.  She walks away.  I am left alone.  I hear a voice from the other room; "don't breathe".  WHAT????  I have been allowed to breathe up to this point.  I haven't taken a breath in 3 minutes!!!!!  Jeeze.....I didn't breathe. The vice got tighter.  I had to look.  OMG!!! OMFingG my boob is as big as a box of kleenex, but's going to burst.  "ok, breathe". FAWK......I smile, and ask if that is all.  She repeats it all 3 more times - the other boob, and two pits - that goodness I cleaned them!
When it was all over, I waited around for a little hug or a cuddle, but nothing.  How sad.  I was man-handled and I didn't even get a kiss or a phone number.
But that's ok....I got my mammy done again!!!  Clear for another year!!!  Don't procrastinate ladies - it can save your life!!!!

Monday, January 24, 2011

I'm a loser

As the title suggests...I am a loser!  Well, not officially yet, but will be soon.  My husband and I (with his business partner & lovely wife) just signed up for the local "Biggest Loser" competition.  So, I stepped on the scale for the second time of my adult life. It didn't break.
I just don't understand myself sometimes.  I am one of the most confident, outgoing, non-self-loathing person I know.  BUT I just could not bring myself to look at the scale.  I know I am not thin...I do own mirrors - several of them.  I know I am not as toned as I used to be - my "muffin tops" are more like uncooked dough boys.  I can't buy clothes in the "cute" section.  So really, who the hell am I trying to fool????  Myself??? Fawk - as if I don't know the truth....but quite obviously I can't handle the truth.  I am a loser.  A certifiable one methinks.

On another note, my dear friend's beloved cat died today.  He was 17.  Such a sad occasion.  But I did have a revelation of sorts as a result of this ordeal.  I wonder if the local undertakers have ever checked out the programs offered to families of the deceased for the final arrangements? My friend got the "deluxe" package. $50 - a private cremation and a lovely wooden box.  She could have gotten the "standard" package where the deceased of the week are "done up" together and the ashes distributed evenly.  I'm not saying that the undertakers should adopt such practices, but I think the vets might be on to something here.  Inexpensive, easy on the environment......just sayin...

Talk to you tomorrow....

Sunday, January 23, 2011

You should have a blog.

So, last night, I posted another foolish status on Facebook.  Not because I am trying to be funny, but I will  admit I like the whole shock value of some of the stuff I put on there.  I get a little "rise" out of all of the  "likes" and the silly little comments.  Maybe I'm sick in the head.  Maybe I'm simple.  Maybe I have too much time on my hands ( I highly doubt that one). cousin-in-law Valarie suggested that I should have a blog.

A BLOG?????  What the heck is a BLOG?  I'm not that old and out of touch, I know that.....but a BLOG?  Sounds like such a, well I dunno, bodily function? Disease? a sound indicating loss of words? looked it up.  Didn't learn much. An online diary....but it's not....because a diary is a secret book.  Nothing is a secret on the web.  I'm not one for secrets anyway.  I speak my mind.  I say what others think.  I laugh at inappropriate times.  SO, still not really knowing what a BLOG is, I will use this forum to share ME.  My foolishness, my quirkiness, my sharp tongue, and my wit.