Sunday, February 27, 2011

That enough snow for ya?

YA THINK???????????? 
We are definitely a weird species.  Flitting around here from season to season.....wishing for it to "hurry up and get here" only to turn right around wishing for "this no good for nothing and useless season" to end.  You can't deny it.....we have all done it! 
Just think back to last July - when it was ridiculously hot, so hot that the air conditioner just didn't cut you remember what you were thinking????  Yes, you were thinking- wishing how long until the fall comes along?!  Won't be long until the cooler weather gives us some relief....yup...YOU did it....YOU wished that glorious heat ALL your fault!  It wasn't then that you wished all this darn snow upon us.....but it was the beginning of the end.  With your wish being fulfilled - the heat ended.  The fall arrived - no bugs, beautiful colors, a lovely crisp breeze - perfect really. started wishing again.  Wishing for just a little bit of snow.  Wishing to improve your mood and spirits with a light dusting of snow.  Look at what you started then...just look....look out the window - down the street - look everywhere....YOUR light dusting has turned into a monster.  All of those wishes for "just a little bit more" has turned into THIS.  I bet you don't think it so pretty and "spiritual" now do ya???? 
I just hope you are putting in your wishes for an end to this snowy abyss.  Surely you feel bad for what you have should.  Did no one ever tell you - "be careful of what you wish for"
oh, and by the way....they (who ever THEY are) are forecasting for another 20-25cm tomorrow.  Yeah.  Thanks.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

What would you do if...................?

So, I was on Facebook the other morning....surfing around, minding my own business - sort of.......when the chat-box popped up "what would you do if.......".  I looked a little closer and saw that it was a friend of a friend; someone I don't know that well.  Me being me....saw an opportunity to give my opinion....typed "if what".  She was hesitant to the end - it came out that she got her hair done the other day - color, cut, style - the whole shooting match - cost close to $100. The KICKER? The one who washed her hair had smelly pits - VERY smelly pits.
SERIOUSLY???  How does that happen?  These people are in the beauty business.....there's nothing beautiful about smelly arm pits!! YUCK.
I asked the necessary questions - Were you a walk-in and catch her coming back from the gym?  Did she look dirty in general? Do you know her?  Was there any indication that she may have bathed in the last day or two?
It turns out that it was a registered appointment, with a regular artist....and this has never happened before.  hmmm....tough call.  If it was ME - and I was getting my hair done and my nose was slammed into the offending pit whilst she scrubbed my mop - I would say something. I would likely say a lot. I just can't imagine that I would keep my mouth shut.....but I know that I am NOT like most people. 
So, here you are after the fact asking for advise.....this is what you need to to.....since you accepted the smelly service, and paid for the smelly service, BUT are bothered by this smelly service - you need to address it.  Either direct to the smelly offender - or to the manager of the establishment....otherwise someone else might fall victim to an armpit assault!
Whether you return to her is entirely up to you.  I would go back.  Just for dirt.  I would have to make sure that she knows that I know that she had smelly pits.  I would have to go back - just in case the smelly pits were done on purpose to get rid of me as a client - she's not getting rid of me that easily.....hmpf!
Good luck!  Next question please............

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Would you rather be imprisoned for life or be executed?

Wow! well.....I guess my answer would depend on one thing; where am I going to be imprisoned?  If it's not in Canada - shoot me now.  I don't think I could bear the torture and abuse that reportedly goes on in some prisons around the world.  SO - if I am going to be "locked up" in Canada - I think I would take "life" over execution.  I suspect my first few years in the slammer would be rough - being a corrections officer I will have a hard time making friends - and it's not like they wouldn't know me - like really who doesn't know me?  I will be one helluva an inmate....until I have my "Status" established I will be a nightmare for the guards and inmates alike!  I will likely spend a few months in the hole for the lugging of contraband and for the severe beatings I will be forced to give.....I will have to hold my own.....I ain't gunna be no one's BITCH - that's fo sho.
Once all of that is out of the way....I'd say three years tops.....I will be ready to run the joint!  I will be the richest, most powerful lifer in the Penn.  I will have the young ones lugging dope, smokes and weapons.....this wealth will give me all of the power I need to establish a great life on the "inside". I will be living the life of ROYALTY; or maybe just the life of a big in the cartoons...with a chihuahua jumping around trying to please! Either way - I will RULE!
Now, I know what you are thinking...what about my family?  Of course I would miss my family....the pain of not seeing them would be beyond words...BUT - anyone who knows me would know that I would only go to prison for one thing - and my family would understand and appreciate that my "new life" is a result of my defence and protection of them. It's all about attitude!
I will embrace the challenge before me - and I will excel!  I will live life to the fullest - in the end; it will likely be a good house maintenance, no bills, no career, no traffic jams, meals provided, clothing provided, lots of girl friends, free education, no telemarketers....geeze....when can I go????

Friday, February 18, 2011

What would you do if you were a man for a day?

Well, well, well....that would be like winning the lotto wouldn't it??? I think it would be nice to slow down and take things as they happen - rather than trying to orchestrate the world as we women try to do.

Then I would have to spend some time in the bathroom ..... trying to figure out how to pee. Surely it is a daunting task to aim and fire into the toilet - lord knows we clean up enough around it - must be near impossible. And, while I am in the bathroom, I might as well take a seat and get some quality reading time's been a while.

Then, outside I will go.....I will have to pee my name in the snow - isn't that a right of passage?

After that I will lay back and relax - guilt free for the rest of the day. I will unfasten my pants, I will fart, and I will control the remote.

The question that was submitted was what would I do if I was a man for a WEEK? I altered it to a day as I don't think I could bear to do it for a week. Like really - you can only pee in so many places!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Know any good jokes?

Yup....all kinds. Would  I tell any of them in this forum?  Probably not.  Most, if not all, of my jokes are inappropriate....I suppose that's why they're funny.  I have a tendency to be inappropriate.  Censorship is NOT one of my strong suits.  I seriously struggle with my inner dialogue - there are times that things happen and I KNOW I am supposed to keep my mouth shut, I KNOW that my opinion really doesn't matter, I KNOW that the obvious does not have to be stated.....but I do it anyway.  It's a compulsion.  I can't help myself.  So I say it - it breaks the ice....there's the look of disbelief, then the smile and finally the laugh...ahhhhh  mission accomplished.
But really, in my defence....WHY would someone ask a question if they really don't want an answer?  It's dumb.  I'm standing there with nothing to ask the question albeit rhetorical....but a question nonetheless...jeeze OF COURSE I'm going to answer it.  For example - clothing shopping with my dear friend (you know who you are)....I HATE shopping.  I could care less about the mall.  I know, I'm not a "typical" girl.  But, I go along with my friend - she tells me that she values my opinion.  Hmmm...ok then, this might be an ok trip to the mall.  SHE is a shopper.  SHE looks at every piece of clothing at every store.....she is an endurance shopper - ugh.  Finally, she chooses a shirt.  It looks nice on the rack - but it's big and bulky...I keep my mouth shut - she hasn't said anything yet, so my opinion is not yet warranted.  She comes out of the room - beaming in her new shirt - she twirls around; smiling.  I stand there - silent.  She says "so?"  I'm like..."so".  She says "what do ya think".  WELL>> door's open - I tell her that it's ugly.  It makes her look fat, and is likely the most unflattering shirt I have ever seen. She looks at me in disbelief, pauses, then smiles and laughs.....and says "tell me what you really think TARA". Well frig man....YOU ASKED!!!! She still loves me.  She accepts me for who I am.  AND, she still takes me shopping - as much as the truth hurts - she appreciates it.  Anyone need a shopping partner?

Monday, February 14, 2011

Will you be my Valentine?

Valentine's Day!  This day has different meaning for different people.  Just like all of the "occasions" I suppose....milestone events are monumental for some,  hard for some, others it doesn't really apply to, and for the retailers - it's a gold mine!  The day after Christmas it begins for the Lovers of the world.  Decorations, chocolates, cards, jewellery, toys and name it - anything can be sold/bought in the name of Cupid.
What every happened to the innocent "will you be mine?", an opportunity for lovers or potential lovers to declare their intentions.....for children to pay attention (probably for the first time) that there might be someone out there that has a "crush" on them......
I guess it goes back to what I said in an early blog - anything in moderation.
My dear son was a wreck this morning - last night too.  He was filling out his Valentine's for his classmates - carefully choosing them for each girl.  He was insistent on having "boy" Valentine's- he didn't want any of those girls to think that he "likes" them.  Spider-man all around. So this morning, he was packed and ready for the bus.  I wished him a Happy Valentine's Day - and he put his head down.  "ugh, great, now I have to spend the day running away from all of the girls trying to kiss me.  Why do they have this day anyway?" HE is not a fan of St. Valentine - yet - he's 8.
I'm sure there have been a lot of people in a panic over the impending DAY. Those embarking on a new relationship being forced to say the "L" word before they are ready.  Those who are happily single having to defend their choice to be.  Those who are un-happily single searching for a date - not wanting to be the wallflower.  Those who have a more than one Valentine - well - that's a blog for another day.....
I like Valentine's Day; probably because I love my Valentine.  BUT I think everyday should be Valentine's Day.  Why wait for that one day of the year to treat the one you care for?  Tell them everyday that they are loved and appreciated.  If it IS true love; the simplest gestures will do.....all of the fanfare is for the merchants - they are looking to SCORE - and they really don't care if you do.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Why is today so important?

Twelve years ago today was one of the greatest days in my life.  Twelve years ago today was one of the most difficult days of my life.  Twelve years ago today my life changed so drastically in one moment that I had little to no recollection of life before that moment.  Twelve years ago today my darling daughter entered the world at a whooping 10lbs 3 oz and 24" long.....drug free I might add.  It was at that moment that I truely understood what love is.  That feeling that overwhelms your entire soul when you gaze upon that new life is the most incredible I have EVER had privledge of experiencing.
Now, having a baby is not all sunshine and lollipops!  Au contraire.....babies are not easy.  After a couple of days with this new bundle of joy; reality sets in.....and I mean sleep, poopie diapers, spit up, crying, screaming, sore boobs, sore bird, messy house, too many visitors, oh did I mention no sleep?'s at about day 3 or 4 when the fun starts to wear off and you begin to mourn the loss of your life as you knew it.  Then you feel guilty.  You beat yourself up because you are feeling this way - you think that you are supposed to be loving all of this.  Like really, you see it on TV all the time.  The perfect moms with the perfect babies, the pre-baby body back together in about a week - all happy and "put together".  Meanwhile, you take a peek in the mirror.  Who the hell is that?  What happened to me?  I look at feel like I have been in the trenches for the past 2 weeks!!  Should I not be radiant and beautiful since I have been basking in post-natal bliss? hmmmmm.....yeah RIGHT.
It takes a little while, but you get the hang of things, and it becomes a little easier.  That love connection that is felt when your bundle arrives.....THAT is what gets you through the battle.  THAT is what keeps you going. THAT is what you remember twelve years down the road and your little pre-teen rolls her eyes at you when you tell her "I love you" in front of her friends.....
Today is one of the most important days of my life - it is the anniversary of the day I became a MOM.

Friday, February 11, 2011

What do you want to be when you grow up?

hmmmmm......good question.  At what age does one have to decide?  I have thought about this for years....and years...and years.  Really, it's probably time I narrowed down the options and moved towards a goal.  There are lots of things that I would love to do.....but none of them will produce any amount of money....I have to eat, and keep a roof overhead, and maintain a vehicle (the transit system doesn't travel this far). How about............
FOOD SAMPLER - not the fear factor type, but good stuff; high end cuisine...that would be a great career.  Imagine getting paid to nibble on the chef's special of the day....and of course you would have to sample the corresponding wine...hmmmm.....dreamy
ADVICE COLUMNIST - tell people like it is....who wouldn't want to do that?  But who would pay for it?  Ann Landers and her lovely sister Abby own the field.  Heloise is gaining ground there too.  Even Dr. Gott is starting to become more popular. Uhhmmmm...maybe....
COMEDIAN - I would love to do that....but really female comics in general suck.  All they do is gripe about their weight and hate men. So what else do you talk about?  The vagina monologue chick has that area all used up....hmmm....I could go on tour for a year or two just yapping about jail tales and the shenanigans within.  I like it.....definitely a list topper.....
Oh, oh oh..... I have it figured out.  I will run a BROTHEL.  I can incorporate it all - my current career with all of the organization and structure. I will entertain the "guests" with food and comic relief while they wait for their appointment - heck I could even charge extra for the service - I will make a mint!   And then, I could counsel and advise after the fact.  This is perfect! I will go to City Hall tomorrow; surely they will approve this fabulous business venture! Wish me luck!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

OMG you have big feet!

Seriously?  What compels people to say stuff like that?  I felt like saying OMG you are ugly; but I’m sure he already knew that and didn’t need me to point out the obvious – like really, I’m sure he has a mirror and has gazed upon it for hours and hours over the course of his lifetime wonder why he looks the way he looks.  But part of me really, really, really wanted to say it…..just once – to let him feel that twinge of hurt, that sinking feeling, that knowledge that someone has pointed out a flaw.  I didn’t.  Man, sometimes I wish I wasn’t raised right.  Hmmmmmmmm………
So, yes I have big feet in comparison to some.  I don’t have giant feet.  My feet fit me.  I would look absolutely ridiculous with little feet – not to mention I would likely fall over.  I’m almost six feet tall – a good foundation is necessary to balance such a grand structure.  Now….if I had big man size 14 feet THEN I would accept your line – OMG you have big feet – but seeing that I have proportionately sized feet I find your comment to be rude, and uncalled for.
Guess what???  I have big shoulders too.  They too are proportionate to my frame.  BUT, they are big enough to allow such insults to come my way and reflect them back to you with a smile and a chuckle.  If you must insult to make yourself feel better, then fill-yer boots!  
It takes all kinds…………

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

What the heck is Zumba?

I met Zumba a couple of weeks ago....on my quest for a better me.  I often thought about going to a Zumba class, but truly didn't know what the heck it was and made every excuse in the book not to go.  When I finally made the decision to self improve - I got my lazy arse to the local school for class.  I walked in, silently intimidated by the thought of what was in store.  Looking around, I saw lots of women - 37 to be precise - all different ages, shapes and sizes.....I started to relax.  I filled out a bunch of forms, declared my great health and paid the five bucks.  We all lined up - just like we did for Jane Fonda type aerobics in the 80's.  The music's so darn catchy that your body moves spontaneously - I swear.  Our teacher Sam, has got some rhythm.....hopefully she has a lot of faith in us....we need all the help we can get (well, I do anyway).  The first day was FUN.  I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I tripped over my feet, ran in,to my neighbours, lost my breath completely, sweated like a hog....and planned my next visit before I left.  I was hooked!!!
Two days later I made my next visit to Zumba - Fitness.  It was even more fantastic than the first time.  I knew some of the steps.  I had no idea I could move my mid-section that way, nor did I know that maybe, just maybe I might have a little rhythm.  So not only am I dropping inches and pounds I am gaining confidence.  I am falling in love!!! I thought I would be self-conscious - but there's no time to worry about that.  If you waste your time gawking at others you will never be able to keep up - so guaranteed - no one is watching you!
I went back a few more times - I am now a regular.  I love the dancing moves, the cardio work-out, the camaraderie, and the laughs.  So what is Zumba?  It's a hoot - it's what I need to fulfill a lot of my basic needs - fitness, fun, and friends.  Give it a go! Feel fit, relaxed and sexy!  You might even learn a few new dance moves to try out on your next hot date!

How do you talk to someone that you love?

Well JB, this could be a very simple question or it could be a VERY complex question.  Simply put - just speak.  But I am quite sure this isn't the question at hand.  So, it depends then on the type of love you are talking about.  If you are speaking of a child - be gentle and kind, firm but fair. Of a parent - be honest, kind and respectful.  Of a lover - be patient, gentle, kind, respectful.  In speaking with all of those that we love we have to take care and be aware of our tones - these loves are to last for a life time - treat them like the treasure that that are.
Now, if you are talking about forbidden love.....well then that it just that....forbidden.  You should stay away from that stuff altogether. As tempting as it may be - it's nothing but trouble.  If you are talking about lost loves - well - that's a tough one to.  If you attempt to talk to much you might find yourself be labelled as a stalker.  Maybe just one attempt and accept the cards were they fall.  A love that has passed on.....well - that's really not my forte - but they do sell Ouija boards at Wally-world.
I guess in the end it comes down to the question - What is love?  And THAT I will NOT answer.  Can you imagine the fame, fortune and fanfare that I would have to deal with if I answered that.  I have the answers - just not ready to be rich and famous.  The next thing you know - Oprah will be knocking on my door offering me my own show.  Seriously....I don't want to move to Chicago.  I don't want to move anywhere.  AND, once I tell everyone all there is to know about love....they will figure out that I understand WOMEN!!!!  Can you just imagine where THAT will take me??????  Jeeze, they will be lined up for miles trying to get that information out of me.  People have been trying to to figure out these answers for centuries......maybe some other time.....
Follow you heart......and be honest with yourself......ciao!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

How much "Me time" do Mom's need?

It depends on the mom I suppose.  Mothers grace the earth in all shapes and sizes with various levels of "need".  Women today, in general, live a more indulgent life than the women of past generations.  The societal acceptance of the self-serving, self-indulgent way of life has paved the way for an epidemic of "me time".  Our mothers - back in the day were few of them worked outside of the home while the kids were being reared - had their "me time" while the kids were in school, or outside playing, or biking up the road to the ball game......They were different times.  You didn't have to have your kid strapped to your leg 24hrs a day.  Kids were given more freedom to roam, freedom to play, freedom to get dirty and rip their clothes. Women resolved to the fact that "their time" would come when the children left the nest. 
Today, there are different stresses in the child rearing department - there seems to be more predators, more abductors, more seems that kids need to be protected more - and as a result; they are underfoot more - in front of the TV, computer, or game systems - although they are occupied their muscles and adrenal glands are BORED.....with THAT we have rebellion, tantrums, and neediness - and in turn - the parental NEED for "me time".  It's a nasty circle that we have created.  This coupled with the crazy TV shows we've become addicted to - the reality shows about the poor little rich people - has taken the whole "keeping up with the Jones' " to a whole new level.  We WANT to have the pristine homes, great hair, manicured nails, perky boobs, and flashy car.  We WANT to entertain, vacation, and shop til we drop.  We WANT our kids to be quiet, well-dressed, smart, athletic and popular.  We WANT it all!!!!
What we NEED is to take a step back and take a look at what is being created.  We NEED to slow the heck down and enjoy each others company.  We NEED to play, to get dirty, and to have some old-fashioned wholesome FUN.  We NEED to accept ourselves for who we are; and stop trying to pretend we are all movie-stars.
Does this mean that we don't NEED or deserve "me time" - goodness no.  We still need to have our me time; but in moderation.  Anything - in moderation.  We have to work harder to LIVE our lives rather than hurrying along THROUGH our lives.  If we did this, we would need fewer "escapes" from reality. 
Thanks for the questions folks....keep them coming :)

Saturday, February 5, 2011

What's that?

What's what?  That stick....the one sticking out of the side of the steering wheel thingie.....
That, my dear, is wonderful piece of machinery that you move up or down - it activates the signal light.  "What's that?".  Well, the signal light....there are at least four of them on a vehicle.  On the left and right side - both in the front and back of a vehicle.  Some newer vehicles even have signal lights on the mirrors of each side.  "How does it work?".  Well, if you push it down; the other drivers and pedestrians will know that you are going to make a left turn, because all of the left side signal lights will blink.  And if you push it up - then all of the lights on the right side will blink.
As I am cut off by some dork who turns left across the lane without signalling - I explain to my children that it is against the law to turn without properly signalling.  I start to turn red as I further explain that there are way to many dim witted people on the road who have been awarded their drivers licences by purchasing Cracker Jacks at the right location.  Further to that, these no good for nothing careless drivers are a menace to society, and that should I ever become a cop I will lock every last one of them up!!!! But I digress, perhaps the driver was not dim witted.  Maybe, just maybe the driver was too busy to signal properly.  Like really, it's hard to drink a coffee, and text, AND signal....SOMETHING has to give.  And really, why signal?  Everyone always turns left off of that street, no one ever goes straight, or turns really, it's a waste of time to signal.  Yes, a waste of time!  MY I am furious!  My face is as red as my hair.  I have to turn the damn air-conditioning on because my boiling blood is heating up the truck.  I should have wouldn't have been my fault...would it? eh, would it?????  hmmmmmmmmmmmm......I have nothing nice to say now.  I was taught that if you had nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all. .......................................

Friday, February 4, 2011

You need a tan....

I look around, there’s no one behind me or beside me.  I say “what?”.  He says “you should get a tan, don’t ya think?”
Is this guy an idiot?  Seriously, does he have eyes?  Is he dim witted? I say “are you seriously talking to me? You really think I need to GET A TAN?”  He looks at me like I'M the dumb one.  SO – I politely inform him of the obvious.  It’s the dead of winter….we live in the northern hemisphere; it’s too damn cold for the sun to hang around for any length of time.  AND you do realize that I am a red head.  Not too many red heads I know can carry off a tan….even the fake ones don’t work for us.  The pigment in our skin (or the lack thereof) forbids such extravagances.  
I did try a tanning bed once; for a month.  My husband won this free trip to Jamaica.  I didn’t want to make the trek south with my skin being as transparent as it is; so I decided to “go tanning”.  WELL, I was a student AKA poor.  I saved all of my drinking ahem I mean grocery money that I could forgo to buy the tanning sessions.  I went faithfully, twice a week for a month….laying NAKED in a well lit coffin…scared to death someone was going to come in…and scared to death that I was going to catch some strange disease from the last naked fool that slept in this box.  Ugh.  What a waste of money for me.  Not even a new freckle, nothing, nodda…..I was the same shade of translucent that I was a month prior.  We didn’t go to Jamaica either…not because I couldn’t get a tan – the free trip was going to cost 5k with all of the hidden fees – not feasible for a couple of students.
So Mr. Jerk who thinks I need a tan…..No I Don’t.  I am fine just the way I am.  And even if I wasn’t fine with the way I am , that’s the way it’s gunna be….so there!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Why would anyone want to be up at this time?

The question of the day from what I would presume to be a night hawk.  I am a morning dove.  I love mornings.  It is, in my humble opinion, the greatest time of day!  Everything is fresh....the COFFEE, the morning dew (or the dusting of snow as is the case today), the ideas, and the deposit in the cat box - yuck.  Maybe that part isn't so great....neither is morning breath...maybe I should breathe on the cat????
So, you get up in the early morning and the rest of the house is still asleep.  It is so relaxing to wake up to a home that has not yet been destroyed by the animals, the children, the hustle and bustle of everyday life.  It is just how you left it....remember last night?????  Cleaning up everyone's messes in a near fit of rage???  Having had to work all day then come home to a completely desecrated home???  Do you remember?????  Ah, I don't - I am basking in the glory of the morning - the nice tidy home, all to my self; aromatic coffee warming my hands and lips. Shhhh....did you hear that?  Me too - the sound of silence.  The lovely sound of silence.  I never understood that for years; but now I get it.  And I love it!!!!
Then it begins...the pitter-patter of feet moving up the hall, then down the stairs.  The sleepy, yet refreshed children make their way down the stairs to be cuddled.  They are still warm from their slumber - the best hugs of the day.  Then they wake up - really wake up.  And so ends morning glory - the day has begun.  The messes are in progress, the coffee is cold, the toaster is burning bread, and the bus has gone by with the children still in the house.  CHAOS.....that is life......isn't it grand?  And that my dear friend is WHY someone would want to be up at this time of day - it's called therapy.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What if?

What if what?
What if I win the lotto?  Lots of great things will happen - I will be rich!  People will line up for miles trying to be my friend.  Charities will be setting up shop in my front yard...which will be under construction...and I won't be home; I will be vacationing somewhere far, far away.  But that won't happen - I don't play the lotto.
What if the world ends in 2012 like everyone is yapping about? Well, what do you say to that?  If the world is ended, then well.....that's IT!  Not much can be done at that point.
What if ..... there are a lot of what ifs....there are the negative "what ifs".  If you spent your time worrying about the "what if" of each and every decision there is to make you would be paralyzed with fear.  It is what it is....and if the "what if" happens then it has happened;  and your path will have to be adjusted.
And there are the positive "what ifs".  The positive ones are the neglected ones.  Here's a "what if" you can try on for size.....What if you lived your life to the fullest? What if you were honest with yourself?  What if you made the best of what you have? What if you made an effort to say or do at least one good thing everyday?
In the matter if you are a positive or a negative just IS - no matter what the "if" is.  And to quote my father "and....what if your aunt had balls?  She would be your uncle!!"

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Do you have the job requirements?

As I am continually in search of the "perfect job" I regularly read the want-ads.  I am quickly approaching middle age and I am yet to decide what I want to be when I grow up.  I don't really want to grow up.
So, I was surfing through the ads the other day and came across yet another call-centre dream job. Whoever writes their ads has some sales talent.  They actually make it sound so inciting.  The always neglect to mention in their ads that they may encounter some arsehole like me who is unfairly rude to telemarketers...I don't really know why but they infuriate me.  That is another blog yet to come.....pauvre telemarketers....
SO....I read the ad.  They were looking for personnel to complete surveys about Canada.  The ONLY job requirement get this....speak english....with NO ACCENT.  Seriously??? No accent??  Have they been to Canada in the past few hundred years???  We are notorious for our dialects!  You can skip across the country from one end to the other and encounter a different "accent" every twenty miles.  Good accent....LMAO!  I remember one time years ago; I was 16.  I was in Montreal on a sporting trip.  I was separated from the pack and LOST.  I was wandering around on the verge of tears when I approached an intersection - there were people all over the place, but no one would make eye contact - no one.  I stood there; alone, scared, and confused.  One made eye contact - I jumped at the chance "hello" I said.  He chuckled "hmmm, Cape Breton or Miramichi?" I almost burst with joy!  "Miramichi, and I'm lost".  He helped my find my way back.  No accent my ass,  I'm proud of my accent.
So, if this company really wants to hire people with no accent, they should approach Rogers.  Rogers now has two robots working for them.  One male, One female.  They don't seem to have accents.

I think I know what the ad really meant.  But they can't really say what they really mean because you know that it's unacceptable.  I wonder how many applications came in?