Saturday, January 29, 2011

Have you ever lost a tampon?

Yes, of course I have.  I don't know how many times I've gone to the grocery store, bought a box or two....then aunt "flo" arrives and guess what?? no damn tampons.   And, I usually have a couple in my purse that get lost in the mess within or strewn about the store floor when I haul out my wallet.  I have definitely lost some at work...I swear my co-workers eat them.
Then she says "not THAT type of lost, I mean really LOST a tampon".  Say what?  Lost?  You mean "up there" LOST???  Really, if this was me...this tidbit of information would NEVER leave my lips...this would be a take to the grave really FAWK a tampon LOST in the......ugh.
I politely respond "no, can't say that I have.  Are you sure you lost it?"  She assures me that she is certain that it's lost.
So, me being me; I offer some advice.  Did you feel around for it?  She did, no luck.  Did you look for it, with a mirror.  She did, no luck.  Did she use another one?  She did, didn't hurt.  I suggested that there was nothing to worry about.  But she is still worried.  So I said how about a queef?  did you try that?  She looks at me disbelievingly....a queef??? I say yeah, a vaginal fart....blow it out.  I got "the look".
I tell her she should see a medical professional; that I am not willing to take a look for her.  She said she saw the doc last time it happened.  LAST TIME?????????????? wtf????  How does this happen???? OMG
It seems the problem was brand specific.  It turns out tampons are like mac & cheese, ketchup, and toilet paper.....get the brand name; it's not worth it otherwise.

1 comment:

  1. LMAO - they're talking about lost tampons on "the doctors" today....apparently it's quite common!