Friday, January 28, 2011

When can I date?

Never!  It's dangerous.  I was never allowed to date.  Well actually, the rule was; I was never allowed to date exclusively.  Looking back, my parents were pretty smart - they allowed me to date but never long enough to get past first base.  Those sneaky buggers....

One group of boys that I was definitely NOT allowed to date were the "base kids".  Coming from a small town, when someone new comes in they just seems so intriguing.  But no, "those kids are too worldly".  And they probably were, but some of them were really cute.  Like this one in particular who happened to be a year younger than me. (I know, I was naughty).  I asked if I could bike out to the Base to play tennis.  I was allowed! heeheehee.  I biked the 13kms to get to my destination to meet him at the tennis courts as planned.  He was so cute.  I was sweaty.  We started to play our game of tennis while chatting about whatever 14 year old chat about.  It was then realized that just because I am an athlete, it does not make me good at every sport.  Particularly tennis.  I must've hit the ball over the 12foot fence 10 times.  He climmbed up the fence, jumped off the other side, retrieved it, and we continued.  I did it again, the ball was gone.  I laughed and said "I'll get it this time".  Really, how hard can it be to climb a fence?  I can show that cute boy from Ontario that I am just as agile as him.  Up I go.......whew...hard work.  I flip my leg over the top, haul myself up with my arms, then flip the other leg.  I sit my butt down just for a sec to cathc my breath and look feet! I jump.  I hang.  I continue to hang.  I have the worst wedgie ever known to man.  I hang.  My new red Champion shorts are ripping at the seams.....I fall.  I landed on the ground.  Did I mention that it was around 2:00 in the afternoon in one of the busiest areas around?  I stand up.  Wearing only my bra and panties.  The shorts ripped at the crotch, went up over my torso hauling off my t-shirt as it went.  I am MORTIFIED!  I climb back up the fence to retrieve my clothing that is at the top of the fence.  I grab and jump, but the tattered things back on, then look around.  My DATE has disappeared.  The old men drinkg coffee nearby are bustin a gut.  I'm dying of humilation.  I jump on my bike with my new red....skirt...and bike home.  The folks ask "how was tennis"....I say it's not for me.
So my darling daughter...can you date? nothing but trouble.  It causes you to lie, see things about yourself you did not know, and before you know it your clothes will be off.  NO!!!!!!

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