You need a tan....

I look around, there’s no one behind me or beside me.  I say “what?”.  He says “you should get a tan, don’t ya think?”

Is this guy an idiot?  Seriously, does he have eyes?  Is he dim witted? I say “are you seriously talking to me? You really think I need to GET A TAN?”  He looks at me like I'M the dumb one.  SO – I politely inform him of the obvious.  It’s the dead of winter….we live in the northern hemisphere; it’s too damn cold for the sun to hang around for any length of time.  AND you do realize that I am a red head.  Not too many red heads I know can carry off a tan….even the fake ones don’t work for us.  The pigment in our skin (or the lack thereof) forbids such extravagances.  

I did try a tanning bed once; for a month.  My husband won this free trip to Jamaica.  I didn’t want to make the trek south with my skin being as transparent as it is; so I decided to “go tanning”.  WELL, I was a student AKA poor.  I saved all of my drinking ahem I mean grocery money that I could forgo to buy the tanning sessions.  I went faithfully, twice a week for a month….laying NAKED in a well lit coffin…scared to death someone was going to come in…and scared to death that I was going to catch some strange disease from the last naked fool that slept in this box.  Ugh.  What a waste of money for me.  Not even a new freckle, nothing, nodda…..I was the same shade of translucent that I was a month prior.  We didn’t go to Jamaica either…not because I couldn’t get a tan – the free trip was going to cost 5k with all of the hidden fees – not feasible for a couple of students.

So Mr. Jerk who thinks I need a tan…..No I Don’t.  I am fine just the way I am.  And even if I wasn’t fine with the way I am , that’s the way it’s gunna be….so there!