Know any good jokes?

Yup....all kinds. Would  I tell any of them in this forum?  Probably not.  Most, if not all, of my jokes are inappropriate....I suppose that's why they're funny.  I have a tendency to be inappropriate.  Censorship is NOT one of my strong suits.  I seriously struggle with my inner dialogue - there are times that things happen and I KNOW I am supposed to keep my mouth shut, I KNOW that my opinion really doesn't matter, I KNOW that the obvious does not have to be stated.....but I do it anyway.  It's a compulsion.  I can't help myself.  So I say it - it breaks the ice....there's the look of disbelief, then the smile and finally the laugh...ahhhhh  mission accomplished.
But really, in my defence....WHY would someone ask a question if they really don't want an answer?  It's dumb.  I'm standing there with nothing to do.....you ask the question albeit rhetorical....but a question nonetheless...jeeze OF COURSE I'm going to answer it.  For example - clothing shopping with my dear friend (you know who you are)....I HATE shopping.  I could care less about the mall.  I know, I'm not a "typical" girl.  But, I go along with my friend - she tells me that she values my opinion.  Hmmm...ok then, this might be an ok trip to the mall.  SHE is a shopper.  SHE looks at every piece of clothing at every store.....she is an endurance shopper - ugh.  Finally, she chooses a shirt.  It looks nice on the rack - but it's big and bulky...I keep my mouth shut - she hasn't said anything yet, so my opinion is not yet warranted.  She comes out of the room - beaming in her new shirt - she twirls around; smiling.  I stand there - silent.  She says "so?"  I'm like..."so".  She says "what do ya think".  WELL>> door's open - I tell her that it's ugly.  It makes her look fat, and is likely the most unflattering shirt I have ever seen. She looks at me in disbelief, pauses, then smiles and laughs.....and says "tell me what you really think TARA". Well frig man....YOU ASKED!!!! She still loves me.  She accepts me for who I am.  AND, she still takes me shopping - as much as the truth hurts - she appreciates it.  Anyone need a shopping partner?