Did you hear about Charlie Sheen?

Good gawd, who hasn't?  It's all over the news, it's all over the internet, it's gracing the front of every magazine at the grocery store, and it's the talk of the town.  Seriously - who actually gives F^#K?  The guy is a drug addict, alcoholic, womanizer, who is terrorizing his town with his selfish and reckless behaviour.
Take a look around your town - no matter where you live.....take a good look.  Who is the most notorious drunk?  Who is the wildest dope-head?  Who is the greatest "player"?  Every town has one - sometimes even more than one (just like Tinseltown)...are you going to put this one up on a pedestal?  Maybe start a Facebook site to share your concerns and undying love for him?  Are you going to start a prayer chain for him?  Not to freaking likely. 
So what the hell is all the hype about Charlie Damn Sheen????  The guy is rich, famous, and used to be good looking.  He has the world by the proverbial balls and he just can't get his shit together.  Who's fault is that????  It's HIS fault.  Maybe the media (and all of you Sheenaholics) could turn your backs on him and show him a little tough-love.  In my opinion all this BS in the media is a publicity stunt - and why not?  It works for Ms Lohan doesn't it?  That girl hasn't had a job in years, but is making money off of all the jail photo shoots!
No wonder our continent is all screwed up - people actually think that Charlie Sheen is IMPORTANT news....ugh....give me a break!

What makes a good friend?

Good friends are hard to come by.  They happen a few times in a life time - but they are not a dime a dozen.  You know when you have one.  They are the friend that makes you feel good.  They are the one you look forward to visiting you early in the morning before your brush your teeth.  They are the ones that you call when you just want to rant and rave and spill your guts - not to get an answer, not for an opinion - just to sit there on the other end of the phone and hear ya say all the bullshit that is clogging you little mind.  A good friend is valuable.  BUT sadly - so few see the true value of a GOOD friend.  We, as humans - an inferior being of course - tend to take things for granted.  We generally don't appreciate anything.  We have grown accustomed to the "throw away" way of being.  This is an atrocity. We should value those who are important to us. 
For example - your precious cell phone.....you coddle that damn thing.  You buy special holster for it.  You have a jiggie set up in your car to hold it while you drive.  You have a compartment in your purse for it. 
Can you imagine how great your life would be if you put as much care into your friendships as you do for that foolish communication device????  Try it for a while.  Seriously - don't brush this one off.  Take a moment and think about that person/people who have affected your life.  Could you live without them - yeah probably - BUT how much better would your life be, and how greatly would your life worth improve if you took the time to care for relationships as much as you care for the crap you pay for?
A good friend - a TRUE friend will be there - always and forever.  It's that person you see today that you haven't seen in 10 years but you pick up right where you left off - as if the last 10 years didn't even happen.  A good friend is there for you - even though you were a tool and said shit you shouldn't have - but for some reason loves you as you are.  These are the ones for which you must swallow your pride and do the walk of shame and say "hey remember me?"....don't worry - they will!!!!

That enough snow for ya?

YA THINK???????????? 
We are definitely a weird species.  Flitting around here from season to season.....wishing for it to "hurry up and get here" only to turn right around wishing for "this no good for nothing and useless season" to end.  You can't deny it.....we have all done it! 
Just think back to last July - when it was ridiculously hot, so hot that the air conditioner just didn't cut it....do you remember what you were thinking????  Yes, you were thinking- wishing how long until the fall comes along?!  Won't be long until the cooler weather gives us some relief....yup...YOU did it....YOU wished that glorious heat away....it ALL your fault!  It wasn't then that you wished all this darn snow upon us.....but it was the beginning of the end.  With your wish being fulfilled - the heat ended.  The fall arrived - no bugs, beautiful colors, a lovely crisp breeze - perfect really.  THEN....ugh....you started wishing again.  Wishing for just a little bit of snow.  Wishing to improve your mood and spirits with a light dusting of snow.  Look at what you started then...just look....look out the window - down the street - look everywhere....YOUR light dusting has turned into a monster.  All of those wishes for "just a little bit more" has turned into THIS.  I bet you don't think it so pretty and "spiritual" now do ya???? 
I just hope you are putting in your wishes for an end to this snowy abyss.  Surely you feel bad for what you have done.....you should.  Did no one ever tell you - "be careful of what you wish for"
oh, and by the way....they (who ever THEY are) are forecasting for another 20-25cm tomorrow.  Yeah.  Thanks.

What would you do if...................?

So, I was on Facebook the other morning....surfing around, minding my own business - sort of.......when the chat-box popped up "what would you do if.......".  I looked a little closer and saw that it was a friend of a friend; someone I don't know that well.  Me being me....saw an opportunity to give my opinion....typed "if what".  She was hesitant to say.....in the end - it came out that she got her hair done the other day - color, cut, style - the whole shooting match - cost close to $100. The KICKER? The one who washed her hair had smelly pits - VERY smelly pits.
SERIOUSLY???  How does that happen?  These people are in the beauty business.....there's nothing beautiful about smelly arm pits!! YUCK.
I asked the necessary questions - Were you a walk-in and catch her coming back from the gym?  Did she look dirty in general? Do you know her?  Was there any indication that she may have bathed in the last day or two?
It turns out that it was a registered appointment, with a regular artist....and this has never happened before.  hmmm....tough call.  If it was ME - and I was getting my hair done and my nose was slammed into the offending pit whilst she scrubbed my mop - I would say something. I would likely say a lot. I just can't imagine that I would keep my mouth shut.....but I know that I am NOT like most people. 
So, here you are after the fact asking for advise.....this is what you need to to.....since you accepted the smelly service, and paid for the smelly service, BUT are bothered by this smelly service - you need to address it.  Either direct to the smelly offender - or to the manager of the establishment....otherwise someone else might fall victim to an armpit assault!
Whether you return to her is entirely up to you.  I would go back.  Just for dirt.  I would have to make sure that she knows that I know that she had smelly pits.  I would have to go back - just in case the smelly pits were done on purpose to get rid of me as a client - she's not getting rid of me that easily.....hmpf!
Good luck!  Next question please............

Would you rather be imprisoned for life or be executed?

Wow! well.....I guess my answer would depend on one thing; where am I going to be imprisoned?  If it's not in Canada - shoot me now.  I don't think I could bear the torture and abuse that reportedly goes on in some prisons around the world.  SO - if I am going to be "locked up" in Canada - I think I would take "life" over execution.  I suspect my first few years in the slammer would be rough - being a corrections officer I will have a hard time making friends - and it's not like they wouldn't know me - like really who doesn't know me?  I will be one helluva an inmate....until I have my "Status" established I will be a nightmare for the guards and inmates alike!  I will likely spend a few months in the hole for the lugging of contraband and for the severe beatings I will be forced to give.....I will have to hold my own.....I ain't gunna be no one's BITCH - that's fo sho.
Once all of that is out of the way....I'd say three years tops.....I will be ready to run the joint!  I will be the richest, most powerful lifer in the Penn.  I will have the young ones lugging dope, smokes and weapons.....this wealth will give me all of the power I need to establish a great life on the "inside". I will be living the life of ROYALTY; or maybe just the life of a big dog....you know...like in the cartoons...with a chihuahua jumping around trying to please! Either way - I will RULE!
Now, I know what you are thinking...what about my family?  Of course I would miss my family....the pain of not seeing them would be beyond words...BUT - anyone who knows me would know that I would only go to prison for one thing - and my family would understand and appreciate that my "new life" is a result of my defence and protection of them. It's all about attitude!
I will embrace the challenge before me - and I will excel!  I will live life to the fullest - in the end; it will likely be a good life....no house maintenance, no bills, no career, no traffic jams, meals provided, clothing provided, lots of girl friends, free education, no telemarketers....geeze....when can I go????

What would you do if you were a man for a day?

Well, well, well....that would be like winning the lotto wouldn't it??? I think it would be nice to slow down and take things as they happen - rather than trying to orchestrate the world as we women try to do.


Then I would have to spend some time in the bathroom ..... trying to figure out how to pee. Surely it is a daunting task to aim and fire into the toilet - lord knows we clean up enough around it - must be near impossible. And, while I am in the bathroom, I might as well take a seat and get some quality reading time in....it's been a while.


Then, outside I will go.....I will have to pee my name in the snow - isn't that a right of passage?

After that I will lay back and relax - guilt free for the rest of the day. I will unfasten my pants, I will fart, and I will control the remote.

The question that was submitted was what would I do if I was a man for a WEEK? I altered it to a day as I don't think I could bear to do it for a week. Like really - you can only pee in so many places!

Know any good jokes?

Yup....all kinds. Would  I tell any of them in this forum?  Probably not.  Most, if not all, of my jokes are inappropriate....I suppose that's why they're funny.  I have a tendency to be inappropriate.  Censorship is NOT one of my strong suits.  I seriously struggle with my inner dialogue - there are times that things happen and I KNOW I am supposed to keep my mouth shut, I KNOW that my opinion really doesn't matter, I KNOW that the obvious does not have to be stated.....but I do it anyway.  It's a compulsion.  I can't help myself.  So I say it - it breaks the ice....there's the look of disbelief, then the smile and finally the laugh...ahhhhh  mission accomplished.
But really, in my defence....WHY would someone ask a question if they really don't want an answer?  It's dumb.  I'm standing there with nothing to do.....you ask the question albeit rhetorical....but a question nonetheless...jeeze OF COURSE I'm going to answer it.  For example - clothing shopping with my dear friend (you know who you are)....I HATE shopping.  I could care less about the mall.  I know, I'm not a "typical" girl.  But, I go along with my friend - she tells me that she values my opinion.  Hmmm...ok then, this might be an ok trip to the mall.  SHE is a shopper.  SHE looks at every piece of clothing at every store.....she is an endurance shopper - ugh.  Finally, she chooses a shirt.  It looks nice on the rack - but it's big and bulky...I keep my mouth shut - she hasn't said anything yet, so my opinion is not yet warranted.  She comes out of the room - beaming in her new shirt - she twirls around; smiling.  I stand there - silent.  She says "so?"  I'm like..."so".  She says "what do ya think".  WELL>> door's open - I tell her that it's ugly.  It makes her look fat, and is likely the most unflattering shirt I have ever seen. She looks at me in disbelief, pauses, then smiles and laughs.....and says "tell me what you really think TARA". Well frig man....YOU ASKED!!!! She still loves me.  She accepts me for who I am.  AND, she still takes me shopping - as much as the truth hurts - she appreciates it.  Anyone need a shopping partner?